Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
