they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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