you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
