He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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