He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
