I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
