Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
