butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
