so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
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Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
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I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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