I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
should my penis look like a turkey
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
