Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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