why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
