Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
