We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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