i wish my penis had a tongue
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Sober January is a disaster.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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