i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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