we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
