soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
