She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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