i think my tv is drunk
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
