i need an iv and a liver transplant
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
