Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
