I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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