i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
