dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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