my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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