Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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