question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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