Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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