Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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