can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
