Fine. I'll sleep in my office
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
