so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
