you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
