I want to walk on stilts...naked
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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