youre lurking in front of me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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