If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
