No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
