Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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