Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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