she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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