fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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