I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
