We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
