There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
