Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
