Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My life is pants optional.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
