I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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