you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
