I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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