I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
