are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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