yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You're like the curious george of whores
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
