i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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