You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
