WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize