I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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