What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
