I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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