Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
