I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
