I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
