I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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