you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
