You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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