VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
