toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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