I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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