Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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