Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
