Say something about gay babies.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
