I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
