Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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