wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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