it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
