listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
