lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
