How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
All the doctor said was why
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
