1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
