Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
