im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
