All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
