I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
