and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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