The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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