Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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