Whod you bang
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
